It seems like winning and losing are opposites. Like there can only be a winner, if there is a loser. But this is America, the land of opportunity and possibility and quite often in life, are the same people we call losers, the same people who go home at night feeling like they just won something. We were watching the first Rocky movie (Not Rocky V, never watch Rocky V) and at the end, Rocky loses the fight to Apollo. But Rocky won his own personal fight, trying to make it all 15 rounds with Apollo. He reached his own goal which is more important than the goals set upon you by others.
So anyway, my mom and I were squaring up, I was grounded, and she was… The grounder. So the punishment was for one week starting Sunday May 18, and supposed to end Sunday May 25. I lost my car, so I had to Penny board to and from school each day, I didn’t get allowance, and I couldn’t go out to hang with my friends. And I kid you not when I say this is the worst weekend I’ve had in like, forever. Breaking up with the girl I was in love with led to a better weekend than this, that’s how bad it was. So I thought that if I worked really hard on Saturday, like putting up the curtains, mounting the mail organizer, cleaning my room, vacuuming, that my mom would completely forget that I was grounded just like all my friends moms do. And it got to around 3, and I asked my mom to go out and she laughed and said, it hasn’t been a week yet. And I was thinking… If you weren’t going to let me get off easy then why did you keep having chores for me to do. Whatever though, it was still within the week, reasonable enough right. But here’s the thing, Monday came, Memorial Day, and I was supposed to be off the hook and go about my life having fun with my friends and making memories. So I go and get my haircut, I put on my hanging out clothes, I shop with my momma so that she sees I’m still a good kid and that I love her and cherish her. And we’re Sam’s Club which is right round near my friends house so I say “Can I go hang out with Aria?” And she says no. And she proceeds to tell me that she’s happy that she has her old helpful and kind son back and doesn’t want to risk losing that. And on the outside I’m good. I’m real good. I look like good I didn’t want to go hang with him anyway. You know I wanted to spend time with you mom I love you. But on the inside I’m hurting. The two days prior were torture. It’s like my phone was a few months old so I know it’s tricks. I’ve been rocking Clan Wars for months now so I’m over the hype. I played all my games and I still sucked at them so I was over them. I heard my whole playlist of 600 songs multiple times and I could sing along with every song so Karaoke no longer was fun. I had nothing to do and my mom was telling me that I was doomed to another day of boredom.
Just because you win, doesn’t mean someone else hasn’t won more.
I won, I was ungrounded, I was Apollo. But really, my mom won. She was Rocky. She showed that I was stoppable. That I was not as great as I thought I was. She showed she would go the distance and not let me off easy like I thought. And in Rocky Two when I asked to hangout when I was ungrounded, she knocked me out by saying no anyway.
So here’s my problem. Today at practice some woman told me it was a good thing that I wasn’t owner of the Clippers and I was thinking… Okay well why would I not want to have a billion dollar asset with role models like Chris Paul and Blake Griffin. And then my friend told me that Donald Sterling was fined 2.5 million for saying the N word. Of course he was explicit when he was talking to me because we are young and live in Fountain Valley California so we don’t understand racism. And I was thinking to myself, how can saying that word really be such a bad thing. And I guess you could say that “It’s racist for a white person to say that” but then think about it. If you give one group of people the right to do something but no one else can do it, isn’t that racist? Isn’t that segregation. On the same token about equality and segregation, if women want perfect equality, then should the next draft be all women? And you say no it should be men and women but then think about it. There were already all male drafts, so shouldn’t there have to be all female ones to balance out or do we discount the past? And if we discount the past, then why would a word like the N word matter? It shouldn’t and anyone should be able to use it since now it is just a word with a denotation and no connotation. But it turns out he said a lot more than that word, which I didn’t actually hear him say once, and he was racist against black people. But he did say something that I sort of understood. He said that that’s how his culture is, that’s how he grew up and was raised. And I thought, so if there is equality, then aren’t we saying the past was wrong and our ancestors are worse than us because they believed in inequality? Isn’t it that same kind of mindset that one people is more right than another that creates this racist, prejudice attitude? Are we at a point in time of history where anything we do can be considered both good and bad?
Living in my neighborhood, everyone has a pool. Sort of a silly notion considering I don’t think anyone uses their pool on a regular basis in the whole neighborhood so a community pool would be just as good, if not better. One of the few good things that comes from the pool is that every year, a duck couple comes and makes my pool their home. They leave at night, but during the day they come and wade in the water. The male and the female, always within touching distance. Always until today. Today, it was just the female, standing motionless on the divider of the pool and the Jacuzzi. It’s sad to think that someone could have killed her mate and for the rest of her life she’ll be alone.
Not too long ago, someone in my school was struck by a car and died. I never knew him. I never heard about him, and I don’t recall ever seeing him. I remember I saw a picture of him, after he died and wondered why so many people were posting a similar picture – The news hadn’t yet come to me. A lot of people were really sad, and not all of them even knew him. I wonder if sad is the right word. It’s probably fear. When something happens that takes someone’s life, everyone sort of realizes that they’re mortal. I guess mortality is kind of hard to deal with because it is kinda the thing that says, “You aren’t good enough.” And that’s pretty hard for people, especially famous people and kings and queens, because it’s so, typical. We spend our whole lives, thinking about death, but we can’t think of a way to stop it. We spend our whole lives knowing that one day, we won’t have the opportunity to do everything we ever wanted, but instead of going to make our lives count for the moment, we put it off.
This is a new theory of mine, and I haven’t been playing with it too much at all. But here it is: People live to dream, and dream to live, but in the end, it’s not living the dream.
We don’t try our dreams, not because we are scared of failure, but because we are scared that the dream will die, and if the dream dies, what are we living for. If we succeed, then it’s not a dream anymore, and then what is there to look forward to.
Everyone says that TV has gone downhill and there’s never anything on. There’s Netflix and Netflix has some good stuff, but pretty soon you’ve watched all six seasons of How I Met Your Mother, all 8 seasons of Family Guy, all 5 seasons of American Dad… Well, you’ve watched a lot… But then what. Then you can watch something you’ve already seen before, or you could sorta watch a show that’s sorta good, but you really are just playing Clash of Clans and wasting energy since the TV is on. But what I decided to do, was read. You see, I never used to read because it wasn’t relevant to me. There are no fairies or goblins so why would I read about them when I am a person with such limited imagination. And books about “problems” give me a break. A ten year old with problems, like that means anything. I guess mom didn’t give me the right color of Capri-sun today, gosh I have problems. But this year, I sorta do relate to books. Not me personally, because in English we’re reading about the 1900s, but like, indirectly – Through Euro. The other day, I read Animal Farm and it was fun for me because at the same time we were learning about Stalin in Euro and throughout the story I would point out to myself the real life parallels.
It was weird, I read Animal Farm and it wasn’t even assigned to me. I think that probably added to why I enjoyed it so much. I mean, there’s nothing really particularly interesting about the book, but it made me happy none the less. And as soon as I was done with it, I started reading Paper Towns. I think that my view on reading was completely wrong. Now I hope that I’ll be able to read at least a book a week – I probably won’t reach this until summer, but that’s okay. I have a lot of books to read to catch up to everyone else.
One of the interesting things about my life is, I never imagined high school at all. In elementary school I looked to middle school, and in middle school I looked towards college. I guess it’s because I knew where I would go to middle school and where I would like to go to college, but I never even had an idea of where I would go to high school. I honestly don’t even know how I wound up in FV like I did. And because I never thought about high school, I never thought about driving really. But now, it’s all I like to think about, well that and girls but I’m a teen so what it’s more than expected.
So the question is, why am I so entranced by driving? And it’s simple, we as humans love being in charge of something much greater than ourselves. I love being able to push my foot to the floor and start running 100 mph, with my windows down and the music blasting (of course I would never do that), it makes me feel Godly. But think bigger than one car, think of a million cars, or even a million TANKS. With one word, a general can command all those tanks to fire, or retreat, talk about power.